


check mate

by DesertLily



Series: Whumptober 2020 [24]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Castle Evermore, Edgar Allan Ravens (All For The Game), Exy (All For The Game), Hurt No Comfort, It's just Neil being Neil, Kinda, M/M, POV Neil Josten, Powerless, Protective Neil Josten, Raven Neil Josten, Self-Sacrifice, Whumptober, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:27:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27179225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertLily/pseuds/DesertLily
Summary: Neil thinks about Andrew during his time at Castle Evermore
Relationships: Neil Josten & Riko Moriyama, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Series: Whumptober 2020 [24]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1946296
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	check mate

**Author's Note:**

> For the 'powerless' prompt for Whumptober

It felt as if very few of Neil’s thoughts were his own anymore. They belonged to Riko and Moriyamas - just as the rest of him did. He moved when they wanted him to him, said what they wanted him to, and played  _ exactly _ how they told him to. Apart from that he wasn’t Neil to them. He was Nathaniel. Nathaniel Abram Wesniski. The name always made bile rise at the back of his throat. He still referred to himself as ‘Nei Josten’ in his head; he still held on to that small fraction of rebellion. It reminded him of who he really was and  _ why _ exactly he was doing this. 

Andrew. 

Andrew Minyard was probably the most insufferable person Neil had ever met and that just made him love him more. He was a dangerous, vicious enigma but then again...Wasn’t Neil also that? But there were moments when Andrew looked at him as if he were a person. A real person. He was Neil for who he really was practically straight away when no one else had. Neil both adored and hated him for it. But wasn’t that how the two of them worked? The fine line between love and hate. Fire and ice. Each just as intense as the other. Two lost souls that understood the other.

It wasn’t often that Neil let himself think of Andrew anymore. He refused to. It made his heart ache. It made Neil want to run from the Nest and never go back. It made him want to be there when Andrew left rehab; to be by his side. But then again, that was why Neil was doing this. He was keeping Andrew safe; making sure he had the chance to recover rather than suffering even more than he already had. Even if it would make Andrew despise him. It would be worth it. Neil was sure of it. 

When he did allow himself to think of Andrew, he couldn’t stop himself about the promise he had made. The promise that he had broken by coming to Castle Evermore. Neil already knew how Andrew would respond when he found out. He’d either hate Neil, try to kill Riko when he saw what Riko had done to Neil or both...Definitely both. It  _ was _ Andrew he was talking about. There was never an easy answer when it came to him. He had told Neil that he’d protect him from Riko and Neil had broken that promise willingly. He had gone willingly; like a lamb to the slaughter with the idealised thought that maybe he was doing the right thing. Maybe he was keeping Andrew safe. Though Neil doubted it. Riko was too cruel for that. He had Neil within his grasp. Why would he care about Andrew? 

Riko Moriyama was one of the worst people Neil had had the displeasure of meeting. He was cruel for the sake of being cruel; for the pseudo power that violence could bring him. He wanted to be in control - even if he was just as much of a pawn as Neil was. Only...Neil was a vulnerable pawn and Riko was the only thing stopping him being taken out of the game entirely. He had Neil cornered with only one thing ensuring his survival; obeying. So he did. Like a robot on autopilot, Neil did what was necessary to survive. Like he always did. Only now, he no longer had the pretence of autonomy. He could no longer pretend to be free. His life was rid of every lie he had tried to hide behind. Neil was instead left with the ugly truth. Funny, really. Andrew had always wanted to know his secrets yet here Neil was exposing them to keep him safe (or the closest to safe he could be). 

But Andrew wasn’t the only one he missed. He missed all of the Foxes. They were the closest things to friends he had ever had. For the brief time he had spent with them, Neil had understood what it meant to feel...normal. At least, as close to normal as he was able to feel. These were people that saw him as a friend. He wasn’t there for them to use or because they had an ulterior motive. Outside of practice, they spent time with Neil because they  _ liked _ him. Even outside of the so-called ‘monsters’, Matt was probably the closest Neil had to a best friend. As far as best friends went, you couldn’t do much better than Matt Boyd. He was sincere in a way Neil wasn’t used to. He was friendly - not because he had to be, but because he  _ wanted _ to be. Neil missed him. Neil missed all of them. 

Though, they were better off without him. What was some traumatised kid with Exy skills in the grand scheme of things? They’d forget he was even part of the Foxes soon enough. No one cared much about the Palmetto State Foxes much anyways. Not in comparison to the Edgar Allen Ravens. The best of the best. The champions time after time again. The team with every member fearful of its captain. None of them played well because they enjoyed Exy. No, they all played well because they were  _ scared _ . They knew the price of failure and it wasn’t one anyone wanted to pay. 

Still, Neil knew deep down he was doing what was necessary. He was getting by. That was all that mattered. He was alive. Andrew was alive. His friends were alive. He reminded himself of it daily. He reminded himself of it whenever he saw the look of resignation in Jean’s eyes. He reminded himself of it every time Riko hurt him. He reminded himself of it whenever he lay broken and sore on the ground. But it would be worth it. Because Andrew would be okay and he would be  _ happy _ . 

Clinging onto the thought of Andrew Minyard’s smile, Neil stared up at the ceiling of his room. He could survive this. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated or hmu @ desert-lily on tumblr


End file.
